家的涵義：大四兒子和媽媽旅遊心得

燕子註：兒子們放假剛到家就被我拉上路，從12/20到12/29凌晨1點，最後一天因為我反悔要去Charleston而產生分歧。他倆說我前一晚本來同意不去了，怎麼又變卦，害得他們多往西北開了一小時，要是折返，勢必要再多待一晚旅館，其他計劃也都作廢了。他倆體諒我同意掉頭，我雖很沮喪，但想到他倆假期還沒真正到家呢，也就擦擦眼睛按了家的地址。2號在朋友圈發了幾段旅遊小記，引發大量反饋，沒想到3號一早大兒子竟然給了我兩張紙，以為是他的2019總結或Tesla遊記，結果越看越吃驚感慨！吃驚的是兒子把家的涵義闡釋得如此簡單明了；感嘆的是從何時，母子角色反轉，他們不但一路籌劃最佳線路，打電話訂旅館買票點餐，還負擔著中年老媽敏感的神經？多年來在哈爾濱過夏天一倆月哥倆認為是在家裡，他們把哈爾濱當成另一個家。這次長途也許是他們認為的「旅行」。看了第一段還以為就是說回家好呢，讀了後幾段覺得低估他了。

經同意分享，我的蹩腳翻譯無法表現出Austin文字的恰如其分。

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A Reflection

January 3rd, 2020

Austin

By the last day of the Orlando road trip, I had grown weary and a little bit homesick. I could tell Arnold was feeling the same way, and after our complaining had frayed her nerves, we punched the home address into our trustworthy Tesla, admittedly rushing the end of a trip when there were still sights to see. When we got back home, the days were filled with the familiar pillars that I had always cherished. Sleeping in, the safe small town feel, hours of playing video games downstairs, Mom』s food that I could really dig into, the 「restaurants」 like Hakata Ramen and Taco Bell that Arnold and I appreciated but Mom never really cared for, and of course, that one golden night where the entire family gathers to play the staple game that had followed me through my childhood: Rummy. As mom brought in the fruit (it happened to be pears and pineapples that day) and encouraged us to eat it, I thought, this is home. As Arnold and I teased Mom for being hypocritical in rushing our turns and perennially complaining about Dad messing up her grand orchestrated Rummy strategy, I thought, this is home. This is the origins of my homesickness, this is what I』ve been waiting to come home to.

But after the game wrapped up (with Arnold gloating as always), I thought to myself, yes this is home, but does that make Orlando any less home? Was the trip truly missing anything that we desperately needed and could only find here? As I revisited the moments that composed our trip, I realized that no, that wasn』t necessarily the case. Elements of home followed us wherever we went. Thanks to Mom』s unwavering pledge to always be the morning driver, Arnold and I did plenty of sleeping in, just in the Tesla back seat instead of our beds. Thanks to Mom meticulously packing our backpacks to the brim with apples, clementines, grape tomatoes and cucumbers, Arnold and I ate plenty of fruit, just while standing in line instead of on a dining room table. Thanks to Mom』s thick skin, Arnold and I did plenty of teasing, this time about a variety of topics instead of just her Rummy quirks. Thanks to Mom waiting in line for hours so that we could rest our feet, Arnold and I spent plenty of time playing games, just this time it was enabled by our own guessing game inventions rather than a television screen.

Of course, in the moment, standing for the third hour on a line two hours before I was used to waking up, home felt quite far away. But upon reflection, that road trip was never a far-off approximate from home because Mom had always brought it with us. The manifestations were always there: the Tesla backseat, the plastic bags of fruit, the tolerant acceptance of mild insults. Home is what you make it, and Mom was busy making it for us for the whole trip; we just didn』t appreciate it until the retrospect.

College breaks are a tricky thing. Coming back from living in a college dorm that feels like a year-round hotel, from a land of unfamiliar people that come close but never quite reach family status, from a busy schedule that keeps us perennially occupied with work, all Arnold and I wanted to do is settle into our familiar childhood nest and do nothing for a change. But on the other hand, coming from a perspective where being in one place 24/7 can be stifling, where the familiarity that Arnold and I valued are just routine, all Mom wanted to do was the refreshing novelty of getting out for a bit. But if this trip has taught me anything, it』s that home isn』t a place, it』s a sensation that』s anchored deeply, internally. Traveling away from home and the feeling of being at home aren』t necessarily mutually exclusive. With this new truth at heart, I eagerly await my next journey with mom, for wherever we go, we will be home. And maybe I shall plan it for a change.

奧蘭多旅行最後一天，我已經有些疲倦和想家了，看得出弟弟也有同感，在我倆的抱怨把媽媽鬧得招架不住後，我們把家裡的地址輸入到深得信賴的特斯拉里，雖然沿途還有地方值得去遊覽。到家以後，日子就是我一向熟悉的那樣子了：懶床、享受小鎮的安全舒適、打遊戲幾小時、細品媽媽的美食、去弟弟和我喜愛的東北餐館和Taco Bell （雖然媽媽不待見這倆地方）。當然最重要的是全家圍坐飯廳玩Rummy～～這是從我們兒時就有的家庭傳統。

當媽媽習慣性把水果拿進來督促我們吃時，我想：這就是家！當我和弟弟擠兌媽媽一面催促我們快出牌，一面抱怨爸爸把她的「宏偉「計劃都打亂了時，我想：這就是家！這是我旅途中想家的根源，這是我期待已久回家要做的。

但家庭遊戲結束後（弟弟仍是慣常地自誇一下），我自忖：這確實是家，但奧蘭多就不是了嗎？我們一路的旅遊真是缺少任何我們亟需的、只有家裡才有的東西嗎？我把旅遊的細節又回想了一遍後意識到：不盡如此。家的元素一直緊跟我們的腳步。

因為媽媽堅持早上開車，弟弟和我得以早上睡懶覺，雖然是Tesla后座，而不是家裡床上；媽媽細心地把我們的背包裝滿了蘋果橘子小柿子黃瓜，弟弟和我吃了足夠多的水果蔬菜，雖然是在排隊時，而不在家裡餐桌上；媽媽臉皮很厚，弟弟和我一直在開她玩笑，這次因旅行主題花樣繁多，而不只是玩Rummy時擠兌她；媽媽幫我們排隊一站就是幾小時，弟弟和我得以歇歇腳，才有精力玩我們創造的猜字遊戲，而不是電視前打電子遊戲。（燕子註：兒子們發明的遊戲深深吸引了我，其中一項是經濟/金融/會計辭彙首尾接龍，我們忘卻了排隊的無聊，最後雖然老媽以一個詞險勝，會計教授的地位已經岌岌可危了哈哈。）

當然比我平時早起倆小時，排隊仨小時感覺離家很遠，但回想一下，這次長途旅行跟家從來就沒遙不可及，因為媽媽一直把家帶在我們身邊。家的感覺無所不在：特斯拉后座、水果袋子、媽媽接納我倆對她的調侃。家是你營造的感覺，而媽媽一直忙著給弟弟和我提供這樣的氛圍，但我倆直到回顧時才有了更深的體會。

大學假期很蹊蹺：學校宿舍就像常年的旅館，陌生人逐漸走近但遠遠達不到家人的地位，緊張的學業使弟弟和我終日不得閑，我倆在假期就想在熟悉的兒時老巢里無所事事。但另一方面，成天累月待在一個地方也許令人窒息，弟弟和我渴望的慣例對媽媽來說就是機械重複，她需要偶爾透透氣。但我從這次旅行中受益最大的是意識到「家」並非一個地方，而是植根於內心深處的一種感覺。從這意義上來說，離家旅遊和體會家庭氣氛並不矛盾。這種新的認知讓我對下次和媽媽的旅遊充滿期待，因為我們不論去哪兒，「家」都會跟我們在一起。下一回我來籌劃旅行。

附：下面是作者1/2/2020在朋友圈發的短文

和兒子們Tesla開車旅行 12/20-12/28/2019 （29凌晨）除了途中標示的，各地local交通總距離將近3000 miles。我除了定了幾天Orlando旅館和建議去Bridge-Tunnel, 其他都是兒子們隨著開車計劃，哪裡充電，哪裡住宿，臨時打電話約旅館，找地方玩。每到一地之前把人口數量土地面積等等查看一下，所到之處能從商學院學生角度觀察以及簡單分析歷史地理經濟（雖然文化這一項實在有限）。雖然馬不停蹄有些辛苦，他倆覺得the spontaneity is fun! 我當然更像小學生一樣看著什麼都新鮮（這一點要歸功於俺記性不好，看啥都像第一次接觸.)

本文轉自《海外文軒》